Overheard today -

Cadence asks "mom, how sick was I when I was a baby?" We talked about being unconscious, bags of fluid and insulin going into her body by tubes, about the drill and syringes that pumped fluid into her shin and the central line doctors put into her heart to save her life. She asks "did they take all the love out of my heart". I smiled + said, "no sweetie, they kept you alive so you could keep lots of love in your heart!!" She smiled back and said "that's good, because I love my family, so much"

Just Plain Awesome.

new discoveries

I supplied the venue for an Insulin Pump information session last night at my clinic The Calgary Centre for Health. We will sometimes open up our facility to different interest groups, providing a free space to host a seminar. I had boatloads of stuff I had to get through at the office, so spending a few extra hours at the clinic last night wasn't a bad idea. There was about 20 people, there mostly parents of diabetic children. Very few people get to spend an evening with a bunch of strangers but be intimately connected through a condition. It's really kind of comforting to be in the presence of so many that know the struggle, it's an affirmation that while wandering the house at 2am looking for test strips, infusion sets, batteries, juice boxes, and hail Mary's....there's someone close by doing the same thing. The mid-day yawn and eye rub could almost be the universal handshake of diabetes.

Animas brought in Lorraine Anderson, a certified Diabetes educator and fellow pumper. The brain trust of Ward Clark, territory Manager for Alberta, the great Joe Solowiejczyk, and Teresa from the Alberta Children's Hospital were among us in attendance. The content discussed was far more in depth than just how great pumps are for managing diabetes. We chatted about matching food to insulin blousing, how to really take advantage of combination boluses, pizza bolus, super bolus, all of these great concepts that many of us have heard of but been too nervous to experiment with. Lorraine did an amazing job of empowering the group to have some "fun" with diabetes, see if you can out-think the beast. I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about insulin pumping, but found myself completely engaged and fascinated by the discussion. In fact, texting the discussion with Nicole to make sure we remembered the information. It was a really great discussion and to be honest, I found it exciting...which is so lame, but it's true! The opportunity to come at Cadence's disease from some different angles. We touched on a fair bit of topics that are frowned upon by some CDE's but in this discussion, we learned the reasons why we all do it incognito. For instance, pre-bolusing 20 minutes, overriding the pump recommendations based on instinct and experience, acceptable blood glucose departures 2 hours post meal, etc. It was great. The only issue I have this morning is that pile of stuff I had to do last night....is still sitting on my desk but i'm going to try and attack it from a couple new angles.

B.

Stats.

I've been asked to give the keynote address at the Alberta Diabetes Foundation Rations for Riches event tomorrow at the Calgary tower. 10 minutes to share what diabetes is to our family. I'm going to do a blog post in the next couple days to describe the room....I'm kind of nervous, but it's an excited nervous....it's an opportunity to change perspectives.

I had to dig up some stats tonight for the keynote and even I was amazed by what I found.

- 300,000 kids with Type 1 diabetes in Canada.

- 3-5% increase in diagnosis rate per year (that's how you spell epidemic)

- 17 BILLION dollars per year towards diabetes complications yet the Alberta government doesn't cover a single dime of preventative measures. Seriously.

- in the 10 minutes it takes me to speak tomorrow morning in front of all those hungry people, 120 kids worldwide will develop diabetes...and most of them will die from it.

It has to be stopped. Get behind JDRF, ADF, CDA, educate, learn, be part of the solution.

till tomorrow!

B.

I'm back

It's been awhile since i've posted and I have finally figured out why.

There are many reasons and excuses I could throw out there, a business purchase, crumbling professional relationships, family non-D stuff...life is busy. The reason I've been delinquent about blogging is that I wasn't sure what to write. I had a comment from someone who said, is there anything that diabetes doesn't affect? I had to think about that question and for the longest time I sat looking at the cursor trying figure out what to write about that was fun, light, not related to diabetes. Well...the cursor still blinks. Don't get me wrong, there's a majority of our lives that are not related and certainly more that we don't let diabetes affect. But that's not what I write about, that stuff is awesome. LIFE IS FANTASIC IN EVERY SENSE. Diabetes is like cousin Eddy though...always there dumping his sewage tank out of his RV and spilling it onto your beautiful lawn. That's why I vent about it.

I write this blog for me. This blog is a place of emotional catharsis. It's used to be my little internet backwater that I never thought would be read, yet I get questions and emails regularly about the content. Being the parent of a diabetic is lonely place, it's a hard disease to spot. I write this blog for us I suppose and it feels good to do it. I've connected with many others that live in the same world through detailing our times of good and bad in the last 3 years of the D. I trended away from the purpose of this page, thinking that this blog had to evolve into other things. I was wrong. This blog is for me and the Diabetics, and especially the parents of, in the world that need to know there are others out there that feel the way we feel...and you know what? It's okay.

Guilt is a horrible feeling. I felt guilty that I hate diabetes more than my daughter hates it. I felt guilty about not checking her blood sugar last night because I desperately wanted to sleep...I felt it was selfish to put my need for sleep over her long term health. Granted she's 4 years old but she still feels the lows and highs. Nic and I feel bad d-days where we just throw our hands up and say "fuck you diabetes". Keeping in theme, I imagine me like Clark Griswold talking to Cousin Eddie, "maybe drive you out to the desert, leave you for dead." without Cousin Eddie picking up the reference. I think alot of parents feel this guilt and fear expressing their feelings for fear of being told "you're not the diabetic". A man whom I'd like to call a good friend, even though we've only met twice, is a 50 year old diabetic. He said "I think, as a diabetic, it's harder on the parents that it is the kid". To hear that from someone that has the disease was in part sad but in many ways brought relief and validation that it is okay to hate it, it is okay to be angry, and it is okay to feel helpless at times and hurt for my daughter.

So, I'm back and I'm not over diabetes, never over the fact that it will try to define my daughter's life, and no...as of Thursday morning, the answer to the question "so is that diabetes settling down, you've got it under control?" will still be answered in the fashion of: the last time I stabbed her tiny finger and took her blood, it was, but I'll let you know in 2 hours.

b.